Alright, let’s say it.
Suicide.
S-U-I-C-I-D-E.
You may be feeling uncomfortable reading those words. Maybe you felt taken aback, perhaps your body suddenly felt warm with tension, or maybe you felt nothing at all. Where did your mind go? Did you think of someone specific, something you saw on the news, or simply startled by reading those words?
However your body, mind, and spirit responded, it’s okay. Even if you don’t realize it, you have been impacted by suicide. Statistically speaking, someone you know and possibly someone you love has attempted, completed, or has otherwise been deeply impacted by suicide.
We live in a world where we dance around the concept of suicide like it is an old article of clothing pushed to the back of a wardrobe, a “junk drawer” that never completely opens, or an ex-partner. Here’s the reality of the situation--it’s not an article of clothing that is no longer worn. It’s not a catch-all drawer that you don’t want the neighbors to see. It’s not the ex-partner who you’ve tried to forget.
In life we face trials and obstacles that cause darkness to permeate our world and our mindset. After a while, it feels nearly impossible to see around or through that darkness and you can begin to wonder if there will ever be an end to feelings of pain, suffering, and despair. If you’ve never experienced that feeling, imagine you’re walking down a set of stairs in complete darkness. You miscount and skip a step. Suddenly your foot is suspended in the air, thoughts of tumbling down the staircase flood your mind, your body begins to panic, and you suddenly realize that you don’t feel in control of what may happen next. In short, it is terrifying, helpless, and numbing all at once. If you are reading this and you have felt this way before, I am so glad you’re here and you chose to keep going.
We often talk about suicide as a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but that will never discount the feelings of numbness, claustrophobia, and hopelessness that one may experience when they feel as if suicide is their only escape from their pain. It is within that moment of brokenness that connection is most essential. While therapeutic techniques and theories will always have their place in the clinical space, it is in that moment of profound darkness that humanness is often the most powerful tool. The ability to share space with someone in their moments of vulnerability is one of immense privilege. If you or someone you know has experienced such feelings, know that your presence on this planet is a gift.
Read that again.
Your presence on this planet is a gift.
Even after all that you have been through and endured, you have made it to this moment to read the words on this page. You have gifts that enrich the world and those around you, and your spirit is so uniquely you. It is okay to be tired, to question the shortcomings, injustices, and the pain in this world. Find things that give you a sense of hope and light. Maybe lightness comes from the sound of your dog running to the door as you arrive home, the smell of rain, or just the thought of family and friends. If searching for that feeling seems to be too much, that’s okay. There will always be options for you to feel seen, heard, and valued.
You are loved, you are valued, and you are more than enough.
If you or someone you know is in need of support, there are people who are here to help:
Georgia Crisis and Access Line (GCAL) - 1-800-715-4225
The Trevor Project - 1-866-488-7386
Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741741
Authored by: Sarah Erdman, APC